“Damn, I thought everyone carried a gun in New Jersey!!!”

“Whenever I stumble over my own feet, or blurt out a thought that makes no sense at all, or leave the house wearing one pattern too many, I always think, It's okay, I'm from New Jersey. I love New Jersey, because it's not just an all-purpose punch line, but probably a handy legal defense, as in, "Yes, I shot my wife because I thought she was Bigfoot, but I'm from New Jersey.”

“I’m from New Jersey. I was born in toxic sludge.”

“I think you'll make a great Congressman, Sam Porter. The people of New York couldn't ask for anything better.New Jersey."What do you mean, New Jersey?"I live in Jersey. That's my home state."But what about people of New York? Don't we deserve honest representatives, too?" It was one thing when he was going to be her Congressman, but he was going to be someone else's Congressman, not hers?New York has good representatives."But not as good as you, Sam. We deserve the best."Move to Jersey.”

“Quick, name some towns in New Jersey”

“I carry a gun cause a cop is too heavy.”