“Everyone knows that if you buy chocolate with spare change, then the calories don't count.”

“If you buy chocolate with loose change the calories don’t count.”

“Calories don't count if they're connected to a celbration. Everyone knows this.”

“Cracker Jacks don't count as junk food because they're corn and peanuts, which we know to be high in nutrition. And they have a prize inside.”

“And something chocolate, of course. A meal was not a meal without some sort of chocolate for desert.”

“Men are like shoes. Some fit better than others. And sometimes you go out shopping and there's nothing you like. And then, as luck would have it, the next week you find two that are perfect, but you don't have the money to buy both."-”

“I don't mean to change the subject or anything, but have you tried concealer on that zit?"Cynthia Lotte - Hot Six”