“He's hot, Lula said, but he's a pig. All men are pigs.Do you really believe that?No but it's a point of view to keep in mind . You don't want to go around thinkin' shit is your fault. Next thing you know, they got you makin' pot roast ad you're cutting up your mastercard.”

“You know what your problem is? You got too many scruples. One or two is okay, but you get too many of them, and it clogs everything up."What she said made no sense at all, but was probably right."I got some scruples," Lula said, "but I know when to stop. There's a point where you have to say enough is enough and screw scruples.”

“Are you telling me you think Ranger's a superhero?'Think about it. We don't know where he lives. We don't know anything about him.'Superheroes are make-believe.'Oh yeah?' Lula said. 'What about God?”

“You know, sometimes you can be real scary. I don't what you were thinking back there when you took those shoes off, but all hair stood up on the back of my next."I had airport rage." Fuckin' A," Lula said.”

“I'd do the lifting, but I just got a manicure. And I notice you don't have a manicure at all. Only thing noticeable about your hands is the missing tan on your ring finger that I don't care about. -Lula”

“Lula hauled herself up off the floor and put her hand to her neck. “Do I got holes? Am I bleeding? Do I look like I’m turning into a vampire?”“No, no, and no,” I told her. “He doesn’t have his teeth in. He was just gumming you.”“That’s disgustin’,” Lula said. “I been gummed by a old vampire. I feel gross. My neck’s all wet. What’s on my neck?”I squinted over at Lula. “Looks like a hickey.”“Are you shitting me? This worthless bag of bones gave me a hickey?” Lula pulled a mirror out of her purse and checked her neck out. “I’m not happy,” Lula said. “First off I don’t know if I got vampire cooties from this. And second, how am I gonna explain a hickey to my date tonight”

“Stephanie Plum: Do you have your stun gun and pepper sray?Lula: Does a chicken have a pecker? I could invade Bulgaria with the shit i've got in my handbag.”