“Howie's doctor told him to lose ten pounds, and since Howie's been on a diet he's gained three.”

“...called nine-one-one," Howie was saying, "and then I heard something in the alleyway, so I went back there and" --Howie coughed-- "and valiantly attacked his knife with my guts, to no avail.""Did you get a good look at him? Could you describe him?"Howie smiled wanly. "Yeah. He was about yay long" --he held up his hands, four inches apart-- "thin, made of steel. Pointy. Sharp.”

“How come you're always so mean? --Howie Katelnikof”

“Should I push him or should I throw him?" Howie asks."Do what comes naturally," I yelled back."I don't know," he says. "This is a very unnatural thing.”

“The storm hit with all the fury of a woman who’d been dieting for six months, only to discover she’d gained four pounds.”

“There's always a parade, Howie. When it's something you can't ever join but only watch, then it's a parade”