“I met a real looker. He picked me up at the two dollar slot machines, so you know he's no cheapskate."Grandma Mazur”

“Grandma Mazur stood two feet back from my mother. "I gotta get me a pair if those," she said, eyeballing my shorts. "I've still got pretty good legs, you know." She raised her skirt and looked down at her knees. "What do you think? You think I'd look good in them biker things?" Grandma Mazur had knees like doorknobs.”

“I shot that sucker right in the gumpy."Grandma Mazur”

“I heard about them Rangers on TV,” Grandma said. “I heard they get dogs pregnant.” -Grandma Mazur”

“That shooting gave me an appetite," she said. "Somebody passme the potatoes."Grandma Mazur”

“Then come on up. DO everyone a favor and shut me up," he said. "Put down your money, pick up that ball, and let it fly, looker." "I'd rather not"People laughed.He flapped his arms and squawked like a chicken "Afraid you can't throw that far?""I know I can"He lifted his hat in a small salute to my claim. Blond curls slipped out, then he plopped the hat back on and said, "I dare you.”