“I smell vampire" -Lula"You're a Nut" -Stephine"Well I smell something." -Lula"Mold." -Stephine"Yeah. I smell moldy vampire" -Lula”

“What's with the super soaker?" -Stephine"I had a stork of genius when you called me this morning I said what do I have to do to protect myself from the vampire? And the answer that came to me was holy water! I don't know why I didn't think of this sooner." -Lula"You have the Super Soaker filled with holy water?" -Stephine"Yeah I sucked it out of the church. You know that birdbath thing they got right up front?" -Lula"THe baptismal font?" -Stephine"That's it. They got it filled with holy water, free for the taking." -Lula"Brilliant." -Stephine”

“Lula hauled herself up off the floor and put her hand to her neck. “Do I got holes? Am I bleeding? Do I look like I’m turning into a vampire?”“No, no, and no,” I told her. “He doesn’t have his teeth in. He was just gumming you.”“That’s disgustin’,” Lula said. “I been gummed by a old vampire. I feel gross. My neck’s all wet. What’s on my neck?”I squinted over at Lula. “Looks like a hickey.”“Are you shitting me? This worthless bag of bones gave me a hickey?” Lula pulled a mirror out of her purse and checked her neck out. “I’m not happy,” Lula said. “First off I don’t know if I got vampire cooties from this. And second, how am I gonna explain a hickey to my date tonight”

“As Stephanie and Lula were going after the bad guys, Lula was making preparations from the trunk of her Firebird. Stephanie looked inside and stopped breathing for a beat. "That's a rocket launcher!" "Yep," Lula said. "It's a big boy. I got it at a yard sale in the projects.”

“I was a vampire, and she had the sweetest blood I’d smelled in eighty years.”

“Why would a vampire create a younger vampire if there was a possibility the young one might end up destroying the old one?'Stephin stared. 'If you can explain to me how this is different from parenting in general I might know how to answer that.”