“I'd kiss you, but you smell like a gym bag.”

“You never want to look in a mirror," Lula said. "Men love mirrors. They look at themselves doing the deed and they see Rex the Wonder Horse. Women look at themselves and think they need to renew their membership at the gym.”

“I failed math twice, never fully grasping probability theory. I mean, first off, who cares if you pick a black ball or a white ball out of the bag? And second, if you’re bent over about the color, don’t leave it to chance. Look in the damn bag and pick the color you want.”

“I'd bitch slap the devil for you.”

“That’s how you tell what a man’s really made of. It’s one thing for a man to be big and brave and kill a spider. Any man could do that. Trailin’ after a woman when she’s shopping for thongs and push-up bras is a whole other category of man. And then if you want to see how far you can go with it, you ask him to carry one of those little pink bags they give you.”

“I like my nuts," Mooner said. "I don't want them cut off. I'd be, like, nutless then.”

“I smell vampire" -Lula"You're a Nut" -Stephine"Well I smell something." -Lula"Mold." -Stephine"Yeah. I smell moldy vampire" -Lula”