“If I let her in I'm doomed. It's like inviting a vampire into your house. Once you've invite them in, that's it, you're good as dead!”

“That might work," I said. "I'm good at faking it."This led to a couple moments of uncomfortable silence from both of us."You didn't mean... ?" Morelli asked."No. Of course not.""Never?""Maybe once."His eyes narrowed. "Once?""It's all that comes to mind. It was the time we were late for your Uncle Spud's birthday party.""I remember that. That was great. You're telling me you faked it?""We were late! I couldn't concentrate. It seemed like the best way to go.”

“I like the way you've let your hair go curly," he finally said. "Suits your personality. Lots of energy, not much control, sexy as hell,"Joe Morelli to Stephanie Plum”

“I smell vampire" -Lula"You're a Nut" -Stephine"Well I smell something." -Lula"Mold." -Stephine"Yeah. I smell moldy vampire" -Lula”

“Now that we know you're not a hundred percent vampire you should stop trying to suck necks," I said to Ziggy."I'll try," Ziggy said, "but it's a hard habit to break.”

“Mrs. Zuppa was coming in from bingo just as I was leaving the building. "Looks like you're going to work," she said, leaning heavily on her cane. "What are you packin'?" "A thirty-eight.""I like a nine-millimeter myself." "A nine's good." "Easier to use a semiautomatic after you've had hip replacement and you walk with a cane," she said. One of those useful pieces of information to file away and resurrect when I turn eighty-three.”

“Looks like you're on a roll. This is the second car you've toasted this week."Carl Costanza - Hot Six”