“Joe" I said. "It's Stephanie.""Does this involve death?""Not yet.""Does this involve sex?""Not yet.""I can't imagine why else you'd be calling me.”

“You owe me!" -Stephanie"Why do I owe you?" -Joe"I caught your no good cousin." -Stephanie"Yeah and in the process you burned down a funeral home, and damaged thousands of dollars of government property." -Joe"Well if you are going to be picky about it...." -Stephanie”

“We don't usually write up accidents involving rabbits.- Joe Morelli ”

“My mother came into the kitchen. "Whose car is that parked in front of our house?""That's Stephanie's new car," Grandma said. "Isn't it a pip?"One of my mother's eyebrows raised in question. "Two new cars? Where are these cars coming from?""Company cars," I said."Oh?""Anal sex is not involved," I told her.My mother and grandmother both gasped."Sorry," I said. "It just slipped out.""I thought only homosexual men did anal sex," Grandma said."Anybody with an anus can do it," I told her."Hmm," she said. "I got one of them.”

“I like the way you've let your hair go curly," he finally said. "Suits your personality. Lots of energy, not much control, sexy as hell,"Joe Morelli to Stephanie Plum”

“Bob had a dog buscuit stuck to his head. "How does he always get food stuck to him?" I asked Morelli. "I don't know," Morelli said. "It's a Bob mystery. I think stuff falls out of his mouth and he rolls in it. I'm not sure."-Morelli And Stephanie”

“[Stephanie] That's not the point. I can't just let monkeys loose in Trenton. [Lula] Why not? There's all kinds of crazy shit loose in Trenton.”