“That shooting gave me an appetite," she said. "Somebody passme the potatoes."Grandma Mazur”

“I heard about them Rangers on TV,” Grandma said. “I heard they get dogs pregnant.” -Grandma Mazur”

“Grandma Mazur stood two feet back from my mother. "I gotta get me a pair if those," she said, eyeballing my shorts. "I've still got pretty good legs, you know." She raised her skirt and looked down at her knees. "What do you think? You think I'd look good in them biker things?" Grandma Mazur had knees like doorknobs.”

“I shot that sucker right in the gumpy."Grandma Mazur”

“When Grandma Mazur is talking about the reason for the improved play of her 91-year-old bowling teammate, she said: "She's doing better now that we got her the longer tubing to her oxygen tank.”

“I met a real looker. He picked me up at the two dollar slot machines, so you know he's no cheapskate."Grandma Mazur”