“The dog ran into the kitchen, stuck his nose in Grandma's crotch, and snuffled.Dang," Grandma said. "Guess my new perfume really works. I'm gonna have to try it out at the seniors meeting.”

“I heard about them Rangers on TV,” Grandma said. “I heard they get dogs pregnant.” -Grandma Mazur”

“Sally put his gun back in his pants. "Guess I flunked the estrogen test."We all stared at his crotch, and Grandma said what Lula and I were thinking."I thought that bulge was your dingdong,"Grandma said."Jesus," Sally said, "who do you think I am, Thunder the Wonder Horse? My gun wouldn't fit in my purse.""You need to get a smaller gun," Lula said. "Ruins your lines with that big old Glock in your drawers.”

“You gonna take the case?"It's not a case. It's a missing person. Sort of."You're gonna have a devil of a time finding him if it was aliens," Grandma said.”

“I always wanted to eat with a Negro,” Grandma said.Yeah, well I always wanted to eat with a boney-assed old white woman,” Lula said. “So I guess this works out good.”

“My mother came into the kitchen. "Whose car is that parked in front of our house?""That's Stephanie's new car," Grandma said. "Isn't it a pip?"One of my mother's eyebrows raised in question. "Two new cars? Where are these cars coming from?""Company cars," I said."Oh?""Anal sex is not involved," I told her.My mother and grandmother both gasped."Sorry," I said. "It just slipped out.""I thought only homosexual men did anal sex," Grandma said."Anybody with an anus can do it," I told her."Hmm," she said. "I got one of them.”

“The kid pulled a Buck knife out of his pants pocket. "How about giving me your purse, bitch?" Sally hiked up his skirt, reached into his briefs and pulled out a Glock. "How about using that knife to slice off your balls?" Lula whipped a gun out of her red satin purse and Grandma hauled out her .45 long-barrel. "Day my make, punk," Grandma said. "Hey, I don't want any trouble," the kid said. "We were just having some fun." "I want to shoot him," Sally said. "Nobody'll tell, right?" "No fair," Lula said. "I want to shoot him." "Okay," Grandma said. "On the count of three, we'll all shoot him.”