“The golden years are for pussies. We went straight to brass.”

“There were two doors that opened off the hallway. The doors were labeled PUSSY and MOTHERFUCKERS. "I'm taking the Motherfuckers door," I said to Ranger. "No way. That's my door.""Well, I'm sure as hell not taking the Pussy door.”

“You don't have a drop of paint on you," I said. "Why is that?"Ranger smiled, liking that he hadn't gotten hit. "I guess they were hunting pussy.""But I walked into the Motherfuckers room.""Yeah, but babe, your clearly pussy.”

“Okay, take a deep breath, I told myself. Don't go all hormonal. Get the facts straight. Have a mental doughnut.”

“When Grandma Mazur is talking about the reason for the improved play of her 91-year-old bowling teammate, she said: "She's doing better now that we got her the longer tubing to her oxygen tank.”

“I don't think his elevator went all the way to the top anymore, if you know what I mean”

“I slipped the acres of pink taffeta over my head and struggled to get it zipped. What had originally been a dress from the Little House on the Prairie collection was now straight out of the Little Whore-house on the Prairie collection.”