“Well, sure, but I don't bring God into it. I think shower massage might have been invented by the devil. God invented the missionary position.”

“I was completely out of clean clothes. That meant I could be a slut and sleep naked , or I could be a slob and sleep in what I was wearing. Truth is, I'm not entirely comfortable sleeping naked. I do it from time to time, but I worry that God might be watching or that my mother might find out, and I'm pretty sure they both think nice girls should wear pyjamas to bed.”

“I'd slept with Ranger! Not sexually, of course. But I'd been in his bed. And then there was the evil shower gel. "It was all because of the shower gel," I said. Morelli's eyes narrowed. "Shower gel?" I made a major effort not to sigh. "Long story. You probably don't want to hear it.”

“If God had wanted me to lose weight he would have made sure there was creamed spinach for dessert.”

“God's a busy guy. He don't have time to micromanage. What are the chances he heard that? It's early in the morning. He's probably having breakfast with Mrs. God.”

“As long as he has a house with two bathrooms. I swear to God, I don't care if he's Jack the Ripper.”

“I plunked down on the couch beside him. "I don't have any accomplishments of any kind. I'm stupid and boring. I don't have any hobbies. I don't play sports. I don't write poetry. I don't travel to interesting places. I don't even have a good job." "That doesn't make you stupid and boring," Morelli said. "Well, I feel stupid and boring. And I wanted to feel interesting. And somehow, someone told my mother and grandmother that I played the cello. I guess it was me...only it was like some foreign entity took possession of my body. I heard the words coming out of my mouth, but I'm sure they originated in some other brain. And it was so simple at first. One small mention. And then it took on a life of it's own. And next thing, everyone knew.""And you can't play the cello." "I'm not even sure this is a cello."Morelli went back to smiling. "And you think you're boring? No way, Cupcake.""What about the stupid part?"Morelli threw his arm around me. "Sometimes that's a tough call.”