“You can't put cuffs on Mr. Cluck! What will the kids think?"Stuart Bagget”

“Reader: Dear Mr. Snicket, What is the best way to keep a secret? Lemony Snicket : Tell it to everyone you know, but pretend you are kidding.”

“You know what talent is? The curse of expectation. As a kid you have to deal with that, beat it somehow. If you can write, you think God put you on earth to blow Shakespeare away. Or if you can paint, maybe you think--I did--that God put you on earth to blow your father away.”

“What's the point of being a grown-up if you can't indulge the kid inside you every now and then?”

“Ginny!" said Mr. Weasley, flabbergasted. "Haven't I taught you anything? What have I always told you? Never trust anything that can think for itself if you can't see where it keeps its brain?”

“Oh my God!" Julia yells. "Are you kidding me, Will? Don't help her put her clothes back on! I'm standing right here!"What the hell am I thinking?”