“4 am—if I’m ever up that early, it’s because I’m up that late.”

“I can’t go out tonight, because unfortunately I’m all tied up at the moment. I’m not busy, but I am kidnapped.”

“I’m running late. But that’s OK, because I’m wearing Nikes.”

“I wanted to sip my daily Starbucks coffee as I got to work early (no later than 11:00 am), have a late lunch (1:00-4:00), and work late (5:01) every day (except Thursdays and Fridays). I wanted a life so good even Scarface would want to scarf it up.”

“I am a juxtaposition. And at the same time, I’m not. I’m always like this because I’m not always like this because I’m always in love.”

“I’m not stuck up. I’m constipated.
”

“It’s a conflict of interest, because I’m not interested.”