“A banana is not a pistol. Still, please don’t point one at me.”

“There is life, and there is death, and in between there is me. Please don’t wake me up.”

“We are the wire, and tomorrow is like yesterday with a furry back. Don’t pet me, Tuesday! Please don’t Wednesday with my emotions.”

“The ultimate gift is the gift of life. Please, accept this jug of semen as a present from me to you. And don’t worry about sharing—I’ve got another one for your mother.”

“My sheep pants don’t make me one of them. However, 37 Brantleys made an appeal on my behalf, but I still have to take off my pants.”

“I don’t like writers whose writing is so obvious that I can predict what he’ll write while I’m still taking in his current thoughts. Why, this means that I know what he knows, and the point of reading is to discover things and thoughts which I don’t already know or that haven’t occurred to me. The greatest amusement is surprise. Fellatio! (Bet you didn’t see that coming!)”

“The shirt I have on today is the color of a banana, and tomorrow’s shirt will also be the color of a banana. Tomorrow’s shirt will be a slightly different color, but will in fact be the same shirt.”