“A blanket could be used as a tarp over one of those tiny circular inflatable pools for children. Well, you might call it a tarp, but I’d call it a trap. But I’ve already tried everything I can think of to silence the noisy neighbor kids, from mousetraps on lollipop sticks, to superglue disguised as lip gloss—and yet the shrieking continues.
”

“A blanket could be used as a bathtub tarp, keeping all the body’s heat in, and the police’s and murder victim’s wife’s eyes out.
”

“Snow on one side of the canvas, silence on the other. I’d call that a perfect painting.”

“I’m big on body language. If you give me the air hand job gesture, I might try to stick my dick in your closed, circular hand.”

“A brick on a stick could be licked like a lollipop.
”

“A blanket could be used in exciting medical advancements, curing everything from shivers to tonitrophobia.
”

“Blankets could be used to stop exponential population growth. If we kept the people warm, maybe they wouldn’t try to heat themselves up through continual fornication. 
”