“A blanket could be used to save your marriage. But to be honest, I’d recommend saving your marriage in a Tupperware container. That way it’ll stay fresher for longer.
”

“A blanket could be used to stop the bleeding. But what if that bleeding is figurative? In that case, I’d recommend a virtual Band-Aid.
”

“A blanket could be used like the Romans used Greek gods. Still, if you want my honest opinion, I’d rather pray to cheddar cheese than to Zeus. 
”

“I built my marriage brick by brick. And I destroyed it blanket by blanket.
”

“A blanket could be used as a cover of your favorite song by your favorite cover band.
”

“Does Ziploc make body bags? I’ll bet the corpses would stay fresher for longer if they did.”

“A brick could be used to save humanity from mortality. Or at least save us from mortar. 
”