“A blanket really makes the bed. Good thing too, because I never make the bed.
”

“Three Guys and a Goat is not a good name for a bed and breakfast. I know, because my two partners overruled my name suggestion.”

“It’s amazing how my whole body can be covered up in bed except for one inch on my shoulders and I’ll be cold. But when I pull the blanket up all the way, all of one inch, miraculously I’m warm. One inch makes a difference, especially to a man with a two-inch penis.”

“I’m romantic. I’ll try to make your bed while you’re still sleeping in it.”

“A brick and a blanket aptly describe my former roommate. He was as dumb as a brick, and only highly functional on a bed. Or so I heard—not that I’d know from personal experience.
”

“If I spent ten years in prison, I’d probably come to value the small things in life. Things like good food, a comfy bed, and a toothbrush sharpened into a shank.”

“Laying on top of me is better than laying on a bed, because a bed doesn’t give off rising heat, or supply a functioning erection.”