“A brick could be licked, like a cat’s asshole. But obviously inversed, because your tongue is soft and the brick is rough.
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“A brick on a stick could be licked like a lollipop.
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“Cats have tongues with the texture of bricks, and fur as warm and soft as blankets.”

“A brick could be used like ice cream. But hold up, hold up. Let me put a bowl under it before you start licking, or else you’ll drip brick all over my blanket.
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“A brick could be used to keep thieves away from your house. Just set a brick outside your front door, and you won’t need any additional security. Years will go by and nobody will steal the brick. And because the brick won’t get stolen, it’s proof that it deterred thieves from approaching your property.
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“A brick could used to translate and transform long cuneiform texts into shorter tweets. Sure, just take the brick and smash the clay tablets, and each broken fragment should be roughly 140 characters.”