“A brick could be used as a deodorant deterrent. Just ask any stinky Congressman.”

“I just bought some long-lasting deodorant. You know, for the afterlife. Eternity is a long time to have stinky armpits.”

“A brick could be used to locate the precise coordinates of the Masons. Just follow the bricks—and follow the money. 
”

“A brick could be used as toilet paper—especially if you just shit a brick. You could shit and wipe your way to a wall of privacy.
”

“A brick could be used to tell time. And just between you and me, I hope that brick tells time to go to hell.
”

“A brick could be used as a brick. Clever, right?
”

“A brick could be used to represent no, and a blanket could be used to represent yes. If I ask you, “Will you sleep with me?” I expect you to run to the bedroom, get naked, and get under the blanket. Whatever you do, do not reach for the brick.
”