“A brick could be used as a flotation device, if you’re Michael Phelps and don’t need it. ”
“I can’t swim, because despite my love being shaped like Michael Phelps, it’s so heavy it’s like an anti flotation device. If I can barely even carry it, I can understand how it’s a burden to you and why you don’t want to keep it in your heart.”
“A brick could be used as a Sexual Orientation Device. But I don’t need it, because I know my sexual orientation—north! ”
“A brick could be used as a floatation device. But only use it if the person drowning is a politician. ”
“A brick could be used as a device to deliver bad news. Sometimes it's better to be blunt. ”
“What with the pointing and the blue suit, she brought to mind a flight attendant. I expected her to tell me that in the event of an emergency, my brand-new Hecate blazer could be used as a flotation device.”