“A brick could be used as a Sexual Orientation Device. But I don’t need it, because I know my sexual orientation—north!
”

“A brick could be used as a flotation device, if you’re Michael Phelps and don’t need it.
”

“A brick could be used to gauge the level of reciprocated sexual interest of the person or object of your desire. A brick works best, however, when the focus of your lust is the brick itself. 
”

“A brick could be used as a floatation device. But only use it if the person drowning is a politician.
”

“A brick could be used as a scapegoat. But don’t blame the brick. The brick didn’t kill my mother-in-law. It was merely the instrument I utilized in showing her how much I loved her.
”

“A brick could be used as a device to deliver bad news. Sometimes it's better to be blunt.
”

“A brick could be used like a used car salesman uses people. I know, because I used to sell cars. Well, technically I got fired precisely because I didn’t sell any cars.
”