“A brick could be used as a substitute for the steak my mother-in-law just cooked me. And I asked for medium rare. I wonder what well done would taste and chew like.
”

“Lots of ways to have your steak "Well done, medium rare, rare, bloody or fetch me a club".”

“A brick could be used as a response when the cops ask you if you murdered your mother-in-law. Forget yes or no. Well, forget yes altogether, but use brick for every response except one: What object did you use to carry out the killing?
”

“A brick could be used as a scapegoat. But don’t blame the brick. The brick didn’t kill my mother-in-law. It was merely the instrument I utilized in showing her how much I loved her.
”

“She raised her hand to cut me off. "I am aware of your epistolary flirtation. Which is all well and good--as long as it's well and good. Before I ask you some questions, perhaps you would like some tea?""That would depend on what kind of tea you were offering.""So diffident! Suppose it was Earl Grey."I shook my head. "Tastes like pencil shavings.""Lady Grey.""I don't drink beverages named after beheaded monarchs. It seems so tacky.""Chamomile?""Might as well sip butterfly wings.""Green tea?""You can't be serious."The old woman nodded her approval. "I wasn't.""Because you know when a cow chews grass? And he or she chews and chews and chews? Well, green tea tastes like French-kissing that cow after it's done chewing all that grass.""Would you like some mint tea?""Only under duress.""English breakfast."I clapped my hands. "Now you're talking!”

“Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done.”