“A brick could be used in speech therapy, to cure a stutter. I mean look at me, I don't have a stutter. But to be fair, I never did have a stutter, so I can't be certain the presence of a brick had any positive effect at all.
”

“A brick could be used to make the world safer for our children. Well, not our children, as I don't actually have any kids—but certainly your children. Skeptical? A brick could better protect your children than all the Federal government agencies combined.
”

“A brick could be used to remind me of her. I mean everything else reminds me of her, so why not a brick too?
”

“A brick could be used like the point where always meets never. I mean come on, who wouldn’t want to watch a brick levitate? 
”

“A brick could be used to tell time. And just between you and me, I hope that brick tells time to go to hell.
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“A brick could be used to commit genocide on a small patch of grass, if you lay the brick down on the lawn and leave it there long enough. But I do not condone this monstrosity of lawntrocity. (Lawn + atrocity—clever, no? OK, no, it’s not so clever. To have any lawngevity as a writer, I’ve got to avoid making clunky, brick-like puns.)
”

“A brick could be used in a manner most secret. But Shh! I can't tell you. What part about secret don't you understand?
”