“A brick could be used like a used car salesman uses people. I know, because I used to sell cars. Well, technically I got fired precisely because I didn’t sell any cars.
”

“Before I sold used cars, I sold used horses. Mostly to glue factories.”

“A brick could be used to enhance your social status. Just affix it to the hood of your car, like a Mercedes ornament.
”

“A brick could be used as a Sexual Orientation Device. But I don’t need it, because I know my sexual orientation—north!
”

“A brick could be used as a status symbol, much like a Mercedes is now. The cool thing about a brick is not only would it have zero emissions, but it would also have a top speed greater than that of most American cars.
”

“I’m a door-to-door salesman. I sell doors. If I can’t knock on yours, because you don’t have a door to knock on, I know you’ll be interested in what I’m selling.”

“Bricks could be used to feed the homeless. But why not use those bricks to build the homeless people homes? Oh yeah, because that’s not the sort of smart decision DC makes.
”