“A brick could be used to crush grapes. If that sounds unnecessarily cruel, then I guess you wouldn’t like to pour you a glass of wine. It’s a shame, because I made it myself. 
”

“A brick could be used for pressing grapes into wine, and a magician could then cover up that wine with a blanket and turn wine into water.
”

“A brick could be used like the point where always meets never. I mean come on, who wouldn’t want to watch a brick levitate? 
”

“A brick could be dropped in a toilet to replicate the sound of shitting bricks. But we wouldn’t have to go through all that trouble if you’d just eat the bricks I put on your plate.
”

“A brick is a lot like love. I mean, I’m sure it is. It simply must be. However, I can’t think of how at the moment, but that’s natural, because I’m not Cupid. OK, here’s something: A brick has six sides, and love—wait, no, love only has five sides. Damn! A brick is red, and love—is transparent (visually it’s invisible, and truthfully it’s transparent). So color is out, shape is out—which leaves sound. A brick is silent, while love sounds like the hum of an electric generator. After a while, you may not hear it and you think it’s silent, but that’s only because you’re acclimated to it and have tuned it out.
”

“A brick could be used like a used car salesman uses people. I know, because I used to sell cars. Well, technically I got fired precisely because I didn’t sell any cars.
”

“A brick could be used to represent no, and a blanket could be used to represent yes. If I ask you, “Will you sleep with me?” I expect you to run to the bedroom, get naked, and get under the blanket. Whatever you do, do not reach for the brick.
”