“A brick could be used to make music. But why not use something more humane, like your armpit.
”

“Bricks could be used to feed the homeless. But why not use those bricks to build the homeless people homes? Oh yeah, because that’s not the sort of smart decision DC makes.
”

“A brick could be used to enslave humanity. No wait, a brick can’t do that—but the Masons can.
”

“A brick could be used to enhance your social status. Just affix it to the hood of your car, like a Mercedes ornament.
”

“A brick could be used to squiggle your signature with. And while you’re in the autographing mood, why don’t you sign your name at the bottom of the lunch bill.
”

“A brick could be used to ascertain the truth. And then logically, a non-brick could be used to detect the lie. What kind of things are non-bricks? Well, anything from blankets to lies. So therefore, a lie could be used to detect a lie, and all this logic makes me want to grab a blanket and lie down—and that’s the truth. 
”