“A can of canola is better than a can of can’t.”

“I can be a better friend, lover, and humanitarian, but I can’t be a better eggroll. Sadly, I’m as good of an eggroll as I’ll ever be.”

“Day or night, I can’t see the wind. But at night, it feels like I can see it even less. What’s less visible than invisible?
”

“I’m not good at talking. Can’t I just nod my way through a conversation? It’s better than nodding off.”

“The dolphin is a mammal, but it can’t walk. However, it can hitchhike.”

“I can tell time, but I can’t tell time to stop or fuck off.”

“A brick could be used to enslave humanity. No wait, a brick can’t do that—but the Masons can.
”