“A cat purring on your lap while you sip hot tea, is there anything better? Oh, and you’re floating in a zero gravity environment.”

“I’ll tug at your breasts like a thirsty child. Try not to burn your nipples in my hot coffee. While you’re at it, I also like sugar in my coffee.”

“Cats are magicians. They can make my erections disappear. All they have to do is jump in my lap while I’m masturbating. Damn! This is the second time today I’ve had to pause Golden Girls!”

“Dinner is served. It’s chicken lo mein. Oh and by the way, your cat is missing.”

“Dear cat, your ears are flipped inside out, so I know you’re not listening to a word I’m not saying.”

“I’ve gone astray. It’s better to cook with a stray than eat your own cat.”

“A brick could be used to squiggle your signature with. And while you’re in the autographing mood, why don’t you sign your name at the bottom of the lunch bill.
”