“A disobedient child is one who blinks of his own volition, without being told to or even looked at. That’s usually when I get out the Behavior Cloth (a blindfold).”

“Most people wear mind blindfolds. I think that’s stupid. I wear blindfolds over my eyes.”

“When the lights are about to burn out and start flickering, it’s like I’m blinking without blinking.”

“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg my friends to treat me that well.”

“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.”

“In high school I got voted most likely to get voted for something. Even though I was the only one who voted, it still felt terrific being nominated.”

“When the going gets tough, the tough give thanks for their mountain bike. I’m so rugged even cavemen would call me Xtreme. At least that’s what that Neanderthal barista who made my drink said under his breath when he uttered—or muttered—“This guy is extreme.”