“A door shaped like a vagina is more inviting. Sure, I’ll come in, but not slouched over. Allow me to straighten up before I enter.”

“I’ll leave the door unlocked. Be sure to ring the doorbell before you climb in through the window.”

“I’ll grab my crotch at you. It’s a greeting, like hello, only more provocative and inviting.”

“Sure, I’ll take your pamphlet. I need to fill up my trashcan anyway.”

“If coffee meant vagina, I’d ask you if you wanted cream in your coffee. But it doesn’t mean that, so I’ll just sit here and continue sipping my mug full of steaming vagina.”

“I just baked a cake in the shape of a door. Somebody’s knocking now, so let me get that.”

“Sometimes I’ll read a book and feel it was written just for me. Then I’ll flip the book over to look at the cover to see who wrote it, only to discover that it feels like it was written for me because it was written by me.”