“A drunk can't follow a line of reasoning, even if it is a double white line.”

“My sheets are so white they look like Google’s homepage. They even have a touch of red on them, from that double homicide back in December.”

“When the war comes, you’ll find me on the front line, with some crayons, coloring outside the lines.”

“It’s your ass on the line. Grab it thinly.”

“I’ll dine on apple flesh and cinnamon, while feeding you one line after another. Some lines will have salmon hooked on at the end. Then we’ll make love like two bears who’ve just discovered honey.”

“Sometimes a well-placed sound effect can be more poignant than a boxing glove-sized punch line.”

“I want to upholster the inside lining of my nostrils with leather, to have that "new car smell" all the time.”