“A fuel pump is a fountain drink machine for cars. And people who want to save the environment and get drunk and run to work.”

“I took a shower under a fountain drink machine at a gas station because it beats showering with unleaded gasoline at $3.33 a gallon and rising.”

“I want to save the environment. I like being green as much as the next Smurf.”

“Question for your life: If there were a fountain machine that dispensed destruction instead of soda, would you grab an extra large cup?”

“I’d love to work with an Asian guy named Wu Hu, because just saying his name would get me all pumped up and excited.”

“I’d drive a thousand miles just to learn how to conserve gas and help save the environment. But that’s just who I am. I’m a thoughtful guy.
”

“My gas tank is on empty, but my erection is on full. Still, it would be wise to stop the car before I pump.”