“A manmade waterfall that was half man, half waterfall would have a hard time going upstairs. Thank God for waterproof elevators!”

“My father is half man, half Zeus. That makes me one quarter fake God. But that's better than being one quarter nickel.”

“If I had a half, I’d split it in half and share it with you. That’s love. Then I’d go find the other half and enjoy the whole thing by myself.”

“A half-truth is 90% of the story. The other 10% is tithed to God.”

“If I asked people how many people there are in the world, I’ll bet more than half would reply, “More than half.” True, but would they also know Georgia is a state, a country, and a painter?”

“My name is a half an hour early, but my body is on time.”

“A part-time worker is fully employed, half the time. In other words, they are part-time unemployees.”