“A mechanical toothbrush is the greatest oral device in the history of the sex toy industry.”

“A vibrating toothbrush is one hygienic marvel of a sex toy. The next time I want to make love, I’ll make a dentist appointment.”

“The cucumber is just about the healthiest sex toy ever.”

“Love is like a portable lamp/sex toy. The world calls those flashlights, but I’m much more romantic.”

“Sex and violence: the greatest duo since the Three Stooges.”

“If you don’t know how to love, then any old robot or mechanical device would best suit your relationship style. In this situation, vacuum cleaners might make the best lovers.”

“A feather taped to a vibrator is a tickling machine to induce hunger, and NOT a sex toy. So you won’t have to ask if you see it in my fridge.”