“A preacher’s job is preaching. So how come he gets to work on the day of rest?”

“Let’s all roll up our sleeves and get back to work. Or let’s create jobs where other people roll up other people’s sleeves, so these other people can get to work helping other people get to work. That’s brilliant. I should be a politician.”

“Not only am I thinking about getting a nose job, but I’m also trying to get employment for the rest of my face.”

“I had to quit my taxi cab driving job because I had no way to get to work. The problem was I kept calling myself to come pick me up.”

“Three people are interviewing for a job. The first thinks his odds are 33.3 percent of landing the job. The second guy, so sure of himself, thinks his odds are 100 percent. The third guy, however, knows he has a 50 % chance of getting the job, and a 25 % chance of getting convicted of murder. He likes those odds.”

“I don't want to work a 9-5 job, because 20 hours a day is just too much.”

“So I got a new job, and I start tomorrow. I’m excited to have a job, and bummed out I’m going to be working.”