“A shirt is a dress, if you have short enough legs.”

“A banker is a man who will lend you the short sleeve shirt off his back and demand a long sleeve one in return.”

“With that shirt you have on, you remind me of what you look like with no shirt on.”

“The shirt I have on today is the color of a banana, and tomorrow’s shirt will also be the color of a banana. Tomorrow’s shirt will be a slightly different color, but will in fact be the same shirt.”

“An octopus has eight legs. You know what else has eight legs? My bed last night. Oh, I didn’t have a foursome, but I did sleep with six prosthetic legs (I have a bad back).”

“I don’t dress like I have any money. And I don’t have any money, which helps enable me to dress like that.”

“My favorite salad dressing is vodka. And my favorite ice cream flavor is coffee, though I prefer it melted and hot enough to burn flesh.”