“A stranger left a white jacket, and it’s tempting for me to grab it, put it on, and use it like a shield against the spaghetti I’ll soon be eating. When I splatter red sauce all over myself, I don’t feel like a slob—I feel like a warrior.”

“I like my spaghetti like I like my women. All over my shirt.”

“I’ll be 30 in March, and it feels just like yesterday that I thought tomorrow will soon be today.”

“I like color commentators. Especially red, white, and blue color commentators. As an American I sometimes feel so patriotic I feel British.”

“I haven’t been feeling like myself lately. No, I’ve been feeling like my clone.”

“I don’t like chili, unless I’m wearing a jacket.”

“I want to find myself as a person, and I’ve enlisted the help of my clone to aid me in this. It’s like finding Waldo, except I’m only half wearing the red and white sweater, because I’m only half-finished knitting it.”