“A tickle, an itch, and a scratch walk into a bar while I was in the corner drinking a thermos full of epidermis, and I thought, this must be what love feels like.”

“I named my car Itch, not because it’s all scratched up, though it is, but because it got under my skin without tickling my fancy.”

“I’ll bet Ryan Lilly drinks coffee like a flower—a lily. I drink coffee more like two roses and a nose walk into a bar. I would tell you what the bartender said, but to be honest, the bar was pretty noisy and I didn’t hear what he said.”

“My fingernail itches. I need to scratch it with my skin.”

“I enjoy scratching itches on my body with my beard stubble. The worst though is when my lower back itches.”

“At the bar, I asked her what she’d like to drink, hoping she’d reply, “Your semen.”

“I stitched an itch to my side. As far as surgeries go, I’m just barely scratching the surface.”