“A tie is a win for more than one person. But a tie is also a loss equally shared by two or more people.
”

“A tie is like an arrow pointing to my crotch. A tie is also like an even score.”

“There should always be one more cat than person, so everyone has one to pet, and I have two to myself.”

“If I asked people how many people there are in the world, I’ll bet more than half would reply, “More than half.” True, but would they also know Georgia is a state, a country, and a painter?”

“I don't want to be tied down in a relationship, I want to be tied down during sex.”

“Love is two smiles shared between two people. Or two smiles and a smirk, shared between one couple and a jerk. Or maybe three smiles and a frown, shared between two parents, their child, and a clown.”

“Before job interviews, I think: What color tie best represents me as a person this company would be interested in?”