“A vibrating toothbrush is one hygienic marvel of a sex toy. The next time I want to make love, I’ll make a dentist appointment.”

“A mechanical toothbrush is the greatest oral device in the history of the sex toy industry.”

“What is it about money that makes people kill for it? I’ll have to think about that next time I do it.”

“Love is what you make it. Unfortunately, I can’t make it today, as I have a doctor’s appointment.”

“A feather taped to a vibrator is a tickling machine to induce hunger, and NOT a sex toy. So you won’t have to ask if you see it in my fridge.”

“I like to schedule dentist appointments for March 32, otherwise known as April Fool’s Day.”

“Two become one when two are in love—or when the waitress asks about our dinner bill. I’ll pay next time, I promise.”