“A window—it’s more entertaining than TV. Just ask a cat looking out, or a man looking in on a life he desires.”

“Why watch reality TV when I can just open my blinds and look out my window to all the reality I can handle?”

“I watch baseball on TV like my cat watches the window. Somebody open the blinds so we can see better!”

“My cat will love you more than me. He won’t love you more than he loves me, but he will love you more than I love you.”

“I’ve gone astray. It’s better to cook with a stray than eat your own cat.”

“Schrödinger’s cat was a Siamese cat, must have been, because if it’s at once alive and dead, it’s a zombie, and the only zombie cats are Siamese cats.”

“You may have to dish out more love than me, but I have more love to dish out. Also, it’s your turn to wash dishes.”