“A writer must be a lifelong reader to be good. And if you want to be a great writer, I’d suggest trying to live a long life by reading the ingredients of the foods you buy.”

“Bestseller doesn’t necessarily mean good writer. I think it takes 10,000 book sales to make the bestseller’s list, and at about 9 dollars a pop for my book, if I had an extra $90,000 dollars of disposable income, I’d be a bestseller tomorrow. But would I be a better writer? No, I’d be a poorer writer—about $75,000 dollars poorer.”

“The country with the most writers is ironically probably the country with the least readers—USA. And once my parents die, my entire reading base will disappear.”

“A writer edits his thoughts more thoroughly the more readers he has. You can tell I only have two readers, myself included.”

“My cat’s favorite chew toy is a pen. I’d wager that he is a better writer than me.”

“If I told you that my global audience has shot up 100% in the last six months, what would you say? If you were to say, “So you went from one reader to two readers?” you’d be absolutely correct. And after I had congratulated you on your keen guess, I’d thank you for being 50% of my reading base.”

“If writers write, then rangers range. And I’d like to wake up every morning and be a mother, so I could eat my own clothes.”