“A zebra is the piano of the animal kingdom. And I am the flute at the nudist colony, if you know what I mean.”

“Zebras are the lions of the animal world. I mean they would be, if lions weren’t already the lions of the animal world. So, is this a book about zebras or pianos? Well, I haven’t played a zebra or ridden a piano in a few years, but that doesn’t mean I’m not an expert on both. In fact, the Bantu bestowed upon me the name “Pundamilia Mozart kupanda kinanda ng’ombe dume”, which roughly translated means, “Zebra Mozart who rides piano benches like they’re bulls.” That’s right, my friends. I’m an international man of mystery. Here’s some advice: If you want to be seen as more mysterious, remember to turn on the fog machine before you make your entrance.
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“Love is like a zebra refereeing a football game. I should know, because I am the rodeo cowboy riding that zebra.”

“Am I the only guy that holds a flute of champagne like it’s a musical instrument?”

“Courage is the chiaroscuro of characteristics. By that I mean I don’t know what I mean.”

“I bought a big brown stuffed animal. You know, for dinner.”

“I am the washing machine of love. And if you have no idea what I mean, maybe it’s time to let some laundry into your life.”