“After our date, I spent about an hour trying to get in her pants before finally giving up. Her pocket was just too tight.”

“I tried being 29, and it worked for about a year, but finally I just had to get rid of it.”

“I used to date an older obese woman named Ten, but everyone just called her "X". Now I just call her ex X. She'll be XXXIV next month, and I think I'll get her an XXL sweatshirt for her birthday.”

“After dinner I wanted to talk to her about buying a clone. But that’s probably just too much for her to handle, especially since she herself is a clone, and I murdered the original of her. You’d think she’d be grateful, the unoriginal bitch.”

“I spent about eight hours deep in thought over whether to get divorced. That may seem like a long time to ponder something, but I multitasked and slept at the same time. I woke up with an erection, and a decision.”

“Love is you wearing her favorite shirt of yours, just like you did yesterday and the day before. And the day before that too.”

“I want to meet the girl of my dreams, and then immediately try to sleep with her—for between six to eight hours.”