“After years of searching, I finally found love. I found it in the unlikeliest of places: My best friend’s bed, right after he leaves for work every morning.”

“I found love when I stopped looking for it. And I sold it precisely when everyone else began their search.”

“After being videotaped, I found that I talk a lot with my hands. Especially if my hands are covered with socks. I guess I get really nervous on first dates.”

“I was looking for a reassuring hand to hold and steady my own, and I finally found it on the other side of my body.”

“After I go to the bathroom, I leave my hands wet as proof I washed them.”

“I’m hypoglycemic and squeamish and liable to pass out at the first sign of blood. That happened this morning. I came into the kitchen and found blood on the floor, right next to a few dead hookers.”

“My life was unbalanced. That is, until I found love and grew a second leg.”