“Agatha told me she was late, and I thought, I haven’t slept with her in years—she really must be late. I’m going to be a father!”

“I made her late, so she made me dinner. And by late I mean pregnant. And by dinner I mean marry her.”

“I made plans for 8:00. When my girlfriend told me she was late, I told her, “That’s funny, because my sperm was absent.”

“I'm sitting on the lumbering late bus, thinking about the way I'm going to start my Monday: by filling out an unexcused absence form for the cranky secretary. The last time the bus was late she actually told me, "Don't tell me the bus was late. That excuse won't work anymore today. About ten kids ahead of you said that their bus was late, too." I tried to explain that we all took the same bus, but there was no pulling the wool over her eyes. She wasn't born yesterday.”

“Did you say ‘yes’ to going out on a date with him?” Sally asked Jacque. “All I got to say is if she said no, she might not want to go to sleep tonight ‘cause I’m going to dye her hair blonde to compliment her being a dumb ass,” Jen told them. “Uh, Jen, you’re a blonde,” Jacque pointed out. “No, not really, God just got it wrong and it was too late to change it once He noticed.”

“i met this girl down the block from me. used to tell myself she was to hot for me,but then i saw her at the corner store,so i ran on over just to grab the door,i got her number we started chillen [ hay] we started buzzen we got addicted,now i,i'm the one she can't live with out... i bet that her right now, shorty hiten me up,says she wants a re-up,knows i got the best in town cause when she gets the shivers,she knows i'll deliver, i'm the one who holds her down,she's about to break +4,nd know i won't let her wait +4,its geten kinda late,late,late, late,and she just wanna shake, shake,shake,shake..”