“Agatha told me she was late, and I thought, I haven’t slept with her in years—she really must be late. I’m going to be a father!”

“I made her late, so she made me dinner. And by late I mean pregnant. And by dinner I mean marry her.”

“I made plans for 8:00. When my girlfriend told me she was late, I told her, “That’s funny, because my sperm was absent.”

“I fell in love with her the moment she was late, though neither one of us knew it at the time because she hadn’t arrived yet.”

“She told me she’d never forget me as long as she lived, and I got offended, because what, as soon as she dies I’m forgotten? Gee, thanks. I see how much I mean to her.”

“I haven’t been feeling like myself lately. No, I’ve been feeling like my clone.”

“I gave her a broken watch, to symbolize that my love for her is forever and timeless. And as an excuse to why I’m always late.”