“Algebra is numbers forgetting why they’re letters.”

“My armpits are not only rank, but they’re ranked number one in customer satisfaction. Try them for free or your money back.”

“I would eat my soup in silence, but it’s alphabet soup. They’re all capital letters and they are shouting at me. I’m not anorexic or illiterate, so alphabet soup is like a nourishing novel. An anorexic should make a suicide note out of the letters.”

“It’s a lie. There isn’t safety in numbers. But there is safety in letters. There are only 26 letters, and yet they are more powerful than an army of infinite men. Show me a man or an army that can kill an idea, and I’ll show you an example of the absurd.”

“I have a list of people to kill. All but number 33 are my clones. Who’s number 33? Why you are, of course.”

“The French aren’t birthed; they’re hatched out of eggs. That’s why they make the best omelets.”

“Sometimes I get depressed about my age. In March I’ll be 26. If man weren’t measured in numbers, but rather letters, I’d be turning Z. And then I’d be dead.”