“All I need is your love. And money.”

“I don’t need your sympathy, unless it comes in the form of a check or cash. I also accept money orders.”

“Love is all around. I don’t need your leftovers, ma’am. Not unless you’re offering meatloaf.”

“Employment: I’ll trade my time and labor for your money. So time is not money, because money is time plus labor. I spend my time saving money, I spend my money saving time, and I labor hard to not labor hard.”

“Time flows like a canoe floats, and my love would fit in your purse if you’d just empty your money into my wallet.”

“Dating is all about getting to know somebody, without wasting a lot of time or money. What is the price of love? You’ve got the cost of dinner, a movie, and cab fare for you and your date, as well as the entire film crew documenting your evening. So you add all that up, and subtract various coupons and bulk discount rates you might qualify for. But what about time? You can make more money, but you can’t make more time if you waste it. That’s why you have to be efficient with your dating. Don’t date one on one. Take 10 women out at once, assembly line style, and forget the small talk. Focus on hard-hitting topics, and give them all questionnaires to fill out. I think the women will appreciate your honest and novel approach. Of course it’s possible that nine out of ten women might be offended. But who cares? All you need is one.
”

“I make art like I make love—slowly, so I get the most for my money.”